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It all started at the very beginning of my FNAF obsession. Since I my Instagram feed constantly bombarded me with fanart of the four main animatronic characters, I (like most other fans) could not help but to develop a favorite.
At this age, I was a pretty edgy little girl. Upon exploring the popular interpretations of each character, I related a lot to Foxy; the “out of order” loner who everybody rejected. At first, he was my favorite… until I realized he already had a sea of fangirls.
Him being the most popular character was something younger me really did not like. Younger me thought, “I couldn’t be like the other girls and like Foxy!” I had to be different. I knew I was better than that. So I did some soul-searching and…
Who else in the cast had brown hair (fur) and blue eyes?
Freddy Fazbear.
It was like a light bulb sparked in my mind. You know, the way they do in those cartoons. My obnoxious twelve year-old realized that Freddy was the least popular character despite being the mascot and titular character of the whole series. This meant that, if I loved him, I could stand out as the “girl who loves Freddy and NOT Foxy”.
I knew what I had to do. Within days, I created my Five Nights at Freddy’s roleplaying account on Instagram under the username of “ITS_ME_FREDDY_FAZBEAR_1.0”.
Since then, I spent everyday uploading random stolen fanart and game screenshots of the character. Never in my life had I felt so cool. Before then, I never had a real presence on the internet, but now I did. And not as my lame real life self, but as an awesome fictional character.
While my love for the character started as something I kind of put on for show, it started to become much more authentic. I couldn’t help but seriously begin to adore this big, huggable bear.
I mostly fell in love with the personality assigned to “Daytime Freddy” by the fans. I wasn’t so much in love with the possessed killing machine as I was with the jolly bear who gave cake to the children and sang all day.
Putting up this happy-go-lucky act online inspired me to want to better myself, too. Rather than a self-pitying and edgy teen who wanted to be unlike my peers, I developed a much more positive outlook on life and on other people. This roleplaying act gave me an outlet to escape the then-recent death of my mother and harsh treatment from bullies at my school. Rather than being loser [redacted], I was the goofy, beloved, and happy Freddy Fazbear!
My act and love for the character ran so deeply that I wanted to be him. I always imagined myself as him and even begged my dad to buy me a sweater of his torso so that I could express this everywhere I went.
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And I am not joking when I say “everywhere I went”. I wore this sweater every single day; to school, to a family vacation, and to any and every store we visited. I was completely unashamed of my love and admiration for the fictional bear.
From here, my love branched out to several other versions of the character; most notably Toy Freddy, Golden Freddy, and Fredbear. I would always draw them, write scenarios and stories about them, and so much more.
Even though Springtrap did eventually end up completely replacing Freddy, I’ll always be fond of the memories I made as a Freddy Fazbear fangirl. He will always hold a special place in my heart as a result.