July 9, 2025

Plans For This Site & Incoherent Rambling~

Second diary entry today? Yep! I have a lot more I wanted to share, but didn’t really want to cram it in after my Japan overview. Here, I honestly just wanted to talk about my plans for this website, the new fashion I’m getting into, and some other random crap. ;)

I’m going to be honest, I’m kind of growing out of this site’s aesthetic. It’s definitely not a bad style or anything (I still love my pastel greens and matcha!) It just doesn’t really resonate with me anymore; at least not as much as some newer aesthetics/styles/etc. that I have been kind of, sort of silently dabbling in over the past at least six months or so.

If you know me, you know that I love the dark and gruesome. I love horror movies, read extreme horror books, love yandere tropes, slashers, dark imagery, dark and taboo fanfiction, etc. I’ve been into horror since I was a kid obsessed with A Nightmare On Elm Street. You get the gist.

I really want an aesthetic or style that expresses that. I feel that horror is more of my “thing” than anything else is. I feel like I can express myself through darkness better than anything else.

That being said, I’m planning on completely overhauling the site with a new style, layout, and name. I might even just make a new website altogether. Who knows. I’m just getting really bored of this look and feel that it doesn’t really represent me as a person. I also kind of just need a fresh start.

My change in aesthetic taste also extends to the new fashion I’ve been getting into. As I have mentioned in a previous diary entry, I have been interested in guro kawa and menhera. Since then, I’ve also discovered that I really love jirai kei. I especially love classic jirai and subcul jirai.

Jirai kei, to me, is a pretty special case. It has that creepy-cuteness I love and, on top of that, also represents mental illness. As I’ve shared a month or two ago, I’m fighting pretty severe mental illness. The whole style and subculture just really resonate with me, to be honest; from the oversized, creepy-graphic tees you see in subcul jirai to the sort of gothic cuteness you see in classic jirai. I’ve never really resonated with a subculture so much. It just really feels so me. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it almost feels like taking and reclaiming the horrors I live through almost everyday.

I also wanted to add that I’m just not interested in gyaru anymore. Not at all. Sorry. Had a huge fallout with a close friend over some stupid drama and also got dogpiled by some Reddit teens. Drama and some lingering insecurity just really killed my interest in the subculture. That, and I really feel like I don’t have the right personality for it. It’s not that big of a deal, I guess. I just really don’t like it anymore. Not interested, don’t care. Jirai is better anyways. I’ve been over gyaru for about a month now, I think??

I also wanted to throw in that, as I said, I HELLA splurged on jirai, subcul, menhera, and guro kawa clothes in Japan!! Was gonna share them here, but I’m too lazy to paste all of the pics (and I need some more stuff to really complete the outfits, anyways). I think I’ll just make a “wardrobe” section on my new site or something. I can just store and hoard all of my jfashion splurges and coords there.

And, finally, the “random crap”.

Over the past half a month or so, I’ve fallen down a total shipping rabbit hole that I can’t escape!

I’ve been utterly obsessed with Stuilly (Stu Macher/Billy Loomis from the original Scream lol). I can’t really explain how it happened other than I had a dream some night during my Japan trip and woke up like Wait. I see the vision. Ever since, it’s taken everything to keep from viciously burying myself with fics and headcanons. XD I need help. Maybe I’ve been a repressed fujo all along! Def joking here because I’ve always kind of hated M/M. Maybe “hate” is too far; it’s just never been my thing.

It’s definitely not my usual taste, given I’m mostly into OC/canon, F/F, and M/F, but it’s whatevs. I welcome this new obsession with open arms. ;)

Thing is, though, I’ve found I can’t really enjoy M/M unless I can mentally pretend the two guys are trans lol. I’ve tried to read some fanfics with the two as cis guys… Meh, I'm sorry. I love the dynamics and writing themselves, but I'm just really not into that. t4t however........

I need to rewatch the original Scream since it’s been a pretty hot minute, but, once I do, it’s OVER. >:) I’m legit planning on making a shrine-probably before I overhaul the site. Definitely want to write fanfiction, too. Will probably commission stuff, too (though I really want to become more confident in my artistic abilities hngggh). You get it.

Speaking of Scream and fanfics, I also really need to start writing stuff for Ashley and Sidney. I need to write more fanfiction in general, to be honest. I’m just perpetually drained from life, my job, treatment, symptoms, school, etc. I also have writer’s block about 99% of the time.

Aside from that, I’ve just been playing obscure horror games like Puppet Combo’s Stay Out Of The House and extreme horror books like Reincarnage: Maximum Carnage. Also a select few GL visual novels from Steam (looking at you, Love Curse: Find Your Soulmate).

TTYL! I’m looking forward to all of my upcoming additions and changes. ;) I just wanted to ramble all of my recent stuff out of my system lmao.