Chasing The High Chasing The HighI never thought I’d find myself back on dating apps, but here we are. I almost feel like I’ve stooped to a brand new low.
It all started two weeks ago. I had originally planned to hang out with a best friend of mine. However, she had a massive headache and those plans quickly changed. To make up, I decided that I should treat myself with a little day out on the town.
Things were relatively fun and normal! I’d bought myself a cute tank top from a nearby boutique and spent my day enjoying the cool ocean breeze. I had previously spent about two hours doing my manba gyaru makeup and styling my hair! I felt on top of the world.
However, things quickly took a turn as soon as I stepped into a beachwear shop. Why did I go to a beachwear shop during Winter? No particular reason; just wanted to look for some cute manba stuff. However, it wasn’t the beachy clothing that caught my eye, but the clerk. She spoke to me in a way that nobody really had before; calling me “love” numerous times, telling me how good I looked in the gyaru makeup, and even joking about wanting to see me in a bikini. I had not a single doubt in my mind that this woman was flirting with me, maybe even hitting on me. Unsure how to navigate this new situation, I left the shop with little more than a “goodbye!”.
But, no matter what I did, I could not get her off my mind. As I slurped up spicy ramen noodles one-by-one, I brainstormed a million ways I could get her number without it being weird, or unnatural, or making it seem too-obviously staged. I texted my beloved dad about the situation, telling him that there was “this guy” who was really into me. I told Dad exactly what I’d been thinking–that I should come in like there was a swimsuit I couldn’t stop thinking about, but leave with her number. He liked the idea.
I scrambled to finish my food and, in what felt like just a couple of seconds, found myself in the shop once again. I had tried on some swimsuits (over my clothes, of course) and we kept up the friendly, flirtatious banters. Just a few more “love”s and “bub”s later, I was completely hooked. Maybe, looking back, I should have known better. But I just couldn’t help myself.
By the time I was ready to check out, I told her that I was so happy to find somebody else to talk about gyaru with and that I would love to exchange numbers. She said yes! We exchanged numbers and that was that! … Or so I thought.
We spoke so much that night; mainly about our pets and living situations. I felt ecstatic. I even remember thinking to myself it was really that easy?! because Lord knows how hard it is to find a partner in the gay dating world.
I knew it was too good to be true.
I know you can already see where this is going, so I’m just going to quit wasting your time and cut to the chase. She ghosted me. Just like that. I was fucking shattered. I had even asked if she wanted to do something with me because it was Spring Break. Nothing. Not even a simple fucking no. It makes me want to cry even thinking about it.
Here I am two weeks later, swiping through all of the women in my county. I’ve had a few matches so far, but nothing has really gotten anywhere. It sucks knowing that nothing else–no one else–could fill the void for what I felt that day. Pretty crazy, isn’t it?
Maybe I’m just pathetic. Maybe I’m just chasing the high.