February 12, 2024

My Coworker

So there's a girl at my job I kind of like. To be honest, I'm excited and anxious about this. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with being bisexual; especially considering my personal struggles with compulsory heterosexuality. I have had several major female crushes throughout my life; surprisingly more than the amount of men I have liked. At one point, I even thought I was a lesbian... which, obviously, I am not.

It's an interesting feeling. I feel different about this crush than I have about my past crushes. She's a coworker and, to put it simply, I really felt something for her last time I saw her. We have been texting since and even plan to meet up for lunch. We were originally going to yesterday, but I had too much homework I had to finish/catch up on so we moved it to next week.

Anyways, I'm hopeful about this. She seems really cool and we have some shared hobbies too. Heh, she also has a gay flag button on her backpack. I'm praying that the gay flag means she's genuinely into women, though. Maybe our little lunch outing really might be a friend thing to her, or it might not. With the same sex, it's really hard to tell and breaking that barrier is pretty awkward. Regardless, whether our little outing is just a friend thing or not, we're just meeting up for now and I am excited to see where it goes if anywhere.

Maybe I'm just too optimistic and have my hopes set too high, but it's a great feeling. I feel so much more comfortable like this than I have any time I've tried to pursue men. Whether this goes anywhere or not, it's really nice to have somebody like her in my life. Especially since my previous "best friend" proved to be such a piece of crap. And if this really does lead somewhere, I will be so happy to have organically found a girlfriend rather than through some shitty dating app. It's important not to expect too much from this and also to know that she really might just see me as a friend, but it's exciting because this is actually the closest I have ever gotten to organically having a sex same relationship. Women just make me happier in general.