Hey, everyone! Wow, it has been such a long time since I’ve blogged… which is why I am happy to today! I will be sharing the light-hearted, good things first. If anything too deep and personal makes you uncomfortable, I advise you to click elsewhere. ^^
Anyways, if you’ve been keeping up with me, it is absolutely no secret that I ADORE Jax… from The Amazing Digital Circus. “Cursed”, I know, but I can’t help myself. I feel like it comes to nobody’s surprise that I’d fall for him haha. He is just my ABSOLUTE bae rn.
I have been just super obsessed for like the past month-ish or so?? Maybe a little under that, I dunno. I love him for all of the stereotypical traits my “husbandos” have like being cruel, abusive, etc. I’ve got a real hard-on for villains which isn’t a secret whatsoever. I also just really love his depth and complexity. I find it so interesting that, despite the aforementioned traits, he is also quite childlike, dealing with the trauma of loss, and some other stuff. I’ll go into more detail in my upcoming shrine, but you get the idea.
Speaking of my new bae, he arrived!
MY BUNNIES!!!
I thought it would be super cute to put him with Springtrap-especially because they are both rabbits. I guess you could also say I have a thing for rabbits. XD But aaahhh I’m so glad he’s here! He’s so much bigger than I thought he’d be, too. I thought he’d be about the size of Springtrap.
Oh and also; I LOVE Funnybunny (Jax/Pomni). They’re one of my healthier ships for sure (which is very rare for me), but I genuinely adore their dynamic. I love that Pomni is unwilling to give up on Jax no matter what. I love their sweet memories together and that, even though things have gotten rocky between them, they still care so much about each other.
You’re probably wondering why I draw so much Funnybunny instead of any selfshipping (despite Jax being a huuuuge f/o for me). The main reason is because it’s very difficult for me to imagine many other ways to genuinely capture his heart. What else can I really do aside from get closer to him and provide him company? Pomni obviously did. And, as we know, he doesn’t really get along with the others… Anything I come up with just feels too close to this dynamic. So I mostly just project onto Funnybunny for now which I don’t really mind because I relate a lot to Pomni, anyways. I do plan on creating a genuine self insert and I have tried to draw up some concepts/designs… And I 100% do ship myself with Jax!! Like, he is my boyfriend/husband. I just think that I should Episode 9 first to see the bigger picture. I can probably come up with a solid self insert afterwards. :)
I will be honest and admit that I’m kind of nervous about what’s to come in Episode 9 (the finale). I guess the fact that I am seeing it with a friend will ease some of my anxiety, but still… Since it has unfortunately leaked, a lot of people said it sucks so yay. :/ But I am stronger than that-that’ll never change how I feel about Jax. Whatever he does can’t possibly be worse than Jason or William Afton so idc. Even if it were, I'd praise him for it. ;) Plus, I can mentally retcon bad endings out just like I do with all of the slop FNAF and Friday the 13th sequels. Bring it on. ~
Anyways, TADC aside… my family and I are going on a huge trip!! It’ll be so exciting-the big city and a cruise! We all chimed in for this and we are all so hyped. I’ll probably share some bits after the fact (but not a lot for privacy reasons)! We left a little while ago and I am on the road. Woot woot!
Otherwise, I have been very busy with therapy and some other related matters, particularly therapy and (still) fighting for services. As for therapy, my psychiatrist referred me to an advanced OCD specialist. We have mostly started working on ERP which has actually been super helpful. Even though we only just started, I can feel my intrusive thoughts just sort of dwindling down. It’s not that they’re gone, I’ve just gotten better at coping with them and drowning them out.
As for services, things are actually starting to look up. If you don’t remember, my family has been fighting to enroll me into support services and get disability (SSI). We are going to see a judge for the SSI sometime after our trip. I am also attending several three hour assessments/interviews with a psychiatrist to see if I am eligible. I am really nervous about it, to be honest. But my dad reassures me that I will most likely be accepted. While it’s scary, I just know that we’re finally getting somewhere.
For now, I am just going to focus on my fun family trip.
Peace!